One of the most amazing things about having a wedding with two brides is that with no groom, you don’t have to strictly adhere to a blueprint of what a wedding should be. You don’t have to do anything just because it’s tradition. You can make your wedding whatever you want it to be. But what happens when you want it to be traditional? You’ve been dreaming of your wedding day since long before you knew your prince was a princess, and there are some things you still want to happen, even though weddings are seeped in gendered traditions. So, how do you manage?
The Bridal Party
To borrow words from the great Mindy Kaling, “Best friend isn’t a person. It’s a tier.” Girls seem to know this, which is why we’re seeing parties with ten bridesmaids more and more often. And if there are two brides with ten best friends? Are you supposed to have twenty girls walking around your wedding in the same dress? You need SOMEBODY to be wearing something else. And you probably want a little distinction between your side and her side. What’s a lesbian to do?
My suggestion if you want the look of a matching party is to stick with one color (or color pallet) on each side. For example, my girlfriend (yes, I said girlfriend, not fiancé. No, I don’t think it’s weird that I’ve planned our whole wedding), wants to wear a black tux, so her bridal party will be in black tuxes and black dresses. My bridal party will be in burgundy dresses and a burgundy tux. The styles will correspond on each side, but playing with color makes sense. I suggest one neutral like black, gray/silver, tan/gold, or navy, and one color to make this look cohesive and traditional. Want to have the perfect match? Utilize ties, bow ties, or accessories to tie in one cohesive look.
The Bouquet Toss
A lot straight couples even opt to ditch this, so people might be telling you “you don’t need to do it!” But it’s okay to still want to, just because you don’t have to. to me, the bouquet toss is such a fun tradition that I can’t imagine skipping it. There are a couple of fun options that you can play around with here.
- You can both toss your bouquets at the same time from different spots in the room, so the girls don’t know where to expect to catch it from.
- You can do one garter toss and one bouquet toss, a la tradition. If you can’t decide beforehand who throws which, you can make a game out of it and literally rock, paper scissor in the moment, which will be fun for your guests to watch, and incorporate a little humor into the day.
- You can do a “single bottoms” and “single tops” bouquet. There will likely be plenty of gay people at your wedding, and it will be fun to spin tradition on its head a little bit and have the straight guests accommodate gay culture for a day!
- If you’re equally interested in two garter tosses as you are in two bouquet tosses, feel free to attach your lady’s garter to your bouquet stem before tossing it!
Dancing with Dad
If there are two femmes in the relationship, this really isn’t much of an issue. Tradition dictates that both partners get a dance with the parent of their choosing, so having two dances with dad one after the other (or at the same time!) isn’t really a big deviation from having a dance between a groom and his mom.
It becomes more difficult when one of the brides is a little more groom than bride and isn’t accustomed to (or comfortable with) dancing with men. Of course, it’s something her dad might be looking forward to, even though he knows his baby girl is a backwards-hat-wearing, short-haired, never-followed-in-her-life tomboy. Again, there are a few options that come to mind, but it’s something that will ultimately be very personal to the couple and the bride.
- She could dance with her mom. Of course this doesn’t help if the mother-of-the-femme gets jealous that she doesn’t get a dance, or that the father-of-the-butch still feels like he’s not getting something. But it does incorporate tradition.
- She could do a “silly” dance with her dad. This could be a really fun and entertaining twist. I envision a woman and her dad walking to the dance floor, pretending to gear up for a slow dance, and then a record screech before they dance to the Macarena (what is this 1998?) or some other silly dance they choreograph side-by-side.
- She could suck it up, and dance with her dad. It’s a gay wedding! If people think it looks weird to watch two people in suits dance with each other, then they probably shouldn’t be there.
Walking Down The Aisle
Perhaps the very most gendered tradition in weddings is “the bride” walking down the aisle, predicated on the notion that there will be one bride. It’s supposed to be a grand moment, where all eyes are on you, and sharing can be tough. My girlfriend has talked about not walking down the aisle, but she’s her dad’s only daughter, and I think it will be nice if she gives him that moment. I’ve heard of brides walking down the aisle one after the other, but to me, that feels like some of the magic is lost (plus the logistics of arranging so you don’t run into each other at the beginning of the aisle sound like a nightmare!).
There are two options, to me, that are equally interesting, but preserve that “moment” we’re all looking for on our big days. The first is having one bride walk down the aisle with her dad or parents first, before the rest of the bridal party, and the second bride walking down the aisle last so you both have your own isolated moments down the aisle, and that someone is still waiting for the other at the front.
The second really beautiful option is a bit more complicated, but to me really beautiful. Rather than a traditional “aisle,” arrange your guests in a circle around the altar and have two aisles across from each other. Your bridal parties will walk in front of you, from one aisle each, and once everyone is seated, both brides will simultaneously walk down different aisles toward each other until they meet in the middle. The wedding parties and the brides all walk out a third aisle that is perpendicular to the entrance aisles. To me, meeting in the middle is actually more special and beautiful than the tradition we’re accustomed to.
Honestly, you dodged a bullet with this one. Just skip it.
There’s a lot to work with here. Take what you love, leave what you hate, and let us know how YOU’VE incorporated tradition into your nontraditional wedding.
Photophraphers: Lanterns And Feathers Photography , Madeline Harper Photography , Madison Taylor Photo | Guest Blogger: Veronica Ruckh | Florists: Flora Fetish, Foxglove | Hair and Makeup: Makeup ATX, Allison Williamson, Nichole Ambrosia Biggs | Salon: Bohème Salon and Bohème Bridal | Venues: Umlauf Sculpture Garden and GVL Center for Creative Arts | Event Planner: Events With Shelley | Rentals: Tri-County Rentals